Needing You (Eremika)
by aversive5599
Summary: Eren and Mikasa come to terms with their feelings during a particularly dangerous scouting mission.
1. Chapter 1

"Eren was mad.

"It wasn't an uncommon thing really he was always angry about one thing or another but this time he was furious.

"What does Mikasa think I am?" He muttered angrily at Armin,"Her kid?"

"Eren calm down." Armin said as he saddled his horse. They were going out on another scouting trip and the commotion to get ready could probably be heard beyond Wall Sina.

"I am not going to calm down." Eren said,"I thought we'd gotten over this point where she'd treat me like a two year old brother who needs to be coddled."

"She just wants to protect you." Armin reasoned,"And it was Levi who'd offered her the position in his group you can't really blame her for accepting it."

"She could have said no." Eren said,"This entire thing is stupid. I don't need her or anyone protecting me. It's like they've forgotten that I'm the Titan here."

"You're a weapon. The only chance humanity has going up against the Titans." Armin said,"You'd see why they want to protect you."

"Mikasa shouldn't be the one protecting me." He said,"She'll just end up doing something stupid and dying."

"That perfectly describes you Jaeger." Jean supplied from behind,"Not Mikasa."

Eren glared at him as Armin spoke up.

From a strategic point of view, Mikasa is the best person to protect you. She's the one who'd go to just about any length to keep you safe and the fact that she's equivalent to a hundred soldiers just helps her case."

"Any length?" Eren voice was sharp,"That's the problem isn't it? She doesn't realise when to stop. She thinks I'm someone who can't defend himself."

Jean was the one who spoke up next,"It really pisses you off doesn't it? The fact the Mikasa is always the one saving your sorry behind."

"She's not the-"

"If I recall correctly the first thing you did in Trost in Titan form was to attack Mikasa." Jean said,"She still has the scar on her cheek to prove it. Still you hide behind her shadow like a cowering-"

"I'd stop if I were you."

Cool, calm and collected as ever Mikasa had come and stood beside Eren giving Jean a look that clearly told him to shut up.

Jean shrugged and looked at Eren,"See what did I tell you?"

He walked off after that and Mikasa glanced at Eren who looked even angrier than before.

"Have you made sure to pack everything?" She asked Eren.

Eren turned away,"Enough Mikasa. I'm not your little brother."

"I'm just worried-"

" Congratulations." Eren cut her off,"On making it to the Levi squad. I'm ecstatic that you declined the position to be a captain of another squad just so that you can come and make sure I've changed my diapers."

"That's not fair. It was my choice." She said flinching at Eren's harsh sarcasm,"I'm just trying to keep you safe-"

"When are you going to understand this?" Eren said,"I don't need you. I don't need you to coddle me, protect me or any of the crap. You have to understand that. I don't need you."

With that Eren stormed off leaving Armin and Mikasa behind.

Armin sighed while Mikasa stood perfectly still not moving. It made him think of the time when they saw Eren emerging from the Titans body.

All of them like Mikasa now had been standing still on the roof of an abandoned house but they had been staring in horror, disgust, amazement at the supposedly dead boy emerging from the Titan's neck.

None of the soldiers on the roof had even considered stepping off that roof. In fact Armin himself had stood there shocked and horrified.

But Mikasa...

She had just been relieved that Eren was alive.

And then she'd run to run like her life depended on it.

No, Armin corrected himself, Her life did depend on it.

He'd seen her without Eren, carelessly throwing away her own life without a second thought only emerging from her black daze after seeing Eren's Titan form.

She hadn't recognised him then but Armin was sure that somehow that was what had snapped her out of it.

" He doesn't mean it." Armin said turning to Mikasa,"You know he doesn't."

Mikasa looked down,"No, he does. He's never really needed me. Sometimes I wonder if he knows... If he keeps me around for pity knowing how much I need him. How much I'll always need him."

Mikasa didn't wait for Armin to reply and simply gave a curt nod,"Stay safe Armin. For my sake and Eren's."

And that's all she says before turning around and going to her position.

Armin sighed.

If Eren had known how much Mikasa needed him, if he understood that she protected him because she had nothing else to protect, no one else to protect he'd finally realise what an idiot had been.

After all Armin understood his friends pride perfectly.

Eren hated Mikasa because he'd always considered it his job to protect her. To keep her safe and out of harm's way and yet it was always him who ended up dragging her there anyway.

He hated for not understanding his need to push her away, his need to make sure that the scar on her cheek would serve as a reminder to her that staying away from him was the best course of action.

But Mikasa didn't understand, after all her logic was simple, wherever Eren goes, I follow.

She had been through so much and yet she was impossibly strong and brave and she never broke. It was Eren who broke like fragile glass whenever he was with her.

Yes, Eren hated her but he hated himself more.

He hated himself for being the one who always wHe hated himself for being the burden, unable to do anything for Mikasa.

Armin understood that because he'd thought that he wasn't needed and like Eren he'd been wrong.

Eren knew how much he needed Mikasa. She'd been the only thing that had kept him standing after the Titan attack in Shinganshina, the only thing that made his fight against them mean more than just revenge.

But Eren thought that Mikasa had never needed him, that he was just a budern.

Which made him angry, which made him constantly try to break away from her to convince himself that if she didn't need him that he didn't need her either.

If only Eren knew that Mikasa needed him more than air itself.. then perhaps things would have been different.

Armin sighed and Jean next to him gave him a knowing look.

" I know." Jean said,"The both of them are idiots."

Even Armin couldn't have said it better.

Mikasa rode behind Eren.

They'd been riding for a good portion of the day now, the plains starting to fade away and their destination, the mountains near wall Maria coming into view.

It was just the three of them in this group.

Levi a hundred metres ahead of Eren, Mikasa hundred metres behind him.

She wasn't sure why Captain shortie had planned but she could safely assume it involved using Eren as some sort of bait to lure out a Titan and capture it. They'd taken a longer route to the mountains a complete deviation from the path the others followed which probably meant that the rest of the scout regiment had already started setting up traps.

She didn't necessarily like the plan but her job was clear, protect Eren, that's it. She was a damn good soldier and she'd do her job till she died.

Even if the plans went awry.

Mikasa knew things were going to hell as soon as three flares shot up simultaneously.

Black.

Red.

Blue.

"Levi raised his hand a clear signal for them to close up.

" What's wrong?" Even asked.

" We've got an abnormal on our tail." Levi stated.

" Crap." Eren said.

" No. That's not the bad news." Mikasa said,"Your entire objective is capturing the abnormal which means that things are going according to plan."

Levi didn't have time to be impressed that Mikasa had figured it out. "Well from the left we've got a bunch of Titans coming. Ordinary but at least three of them."

" And they'll get in the way of capturing the abnormal." Eren completed,"So I suppose we should simply divert and kill the ordinary Titans."

" The abnormal is after you." Levi said,"If we divert that will cause a problem and I must give the signal once we reach the point so that they can prepare the trap and face the abnormal."

Levi looked at Mikasa.

" Okay." She said,"I'll take out the Titans on the left."

" What?" Eren said,"Are you crazy? There are at least three of them, you can't-"

Mikasa ignored him,"The pine trees are few but should be good enough for ODM gear."

She glared at Levi,"If there is even a scratch on him. I'll kill you."

" That means you'll have to come back alive Ackerman." Levi stated blankly,"I'll look forward to our match then."

Mikasa gave a curt nod before turning her horse around. Before she could move forward though, Eren had already blocked her path.

" Eren what are you doing?" Mikasa pulled on the reins of her horse,"Get out of my way."

" You're not going to fight them alone." Eren said,"It's a suicide mission."

" I recall you've gone on several of them despite my disapproval." Mikasa said,"Why are you stopping me?"

" Because I'm a Titan Mikasa. I heal on my own." Even snapped,"You are human. You can't possibly-"

" It's fascinating and all to see young love but we're running out of time." Levi interrupted,"Ackerman do you think you'll be able to distract the Titans long enough for me to give the signal?"

" Yes."

" Then go." Levi commanded.

" Absolutely not." Eren argued,"We'll all make a run to the caves. Worst comes to worst I'll transform."

"And consequentially ruin everything." Levi stated.

"So what?" Even said,"You're asking her to kill herself trying to protect the two of us. Neither of us need protection."

"It's okay Eren." Mikasa said softly,"One life seems like a small prize to pay. You'll be fine, you've never needed me anyway."

Eren froze. Everything around him froze.

Everything except Mikasa.

Mikasa who rode away from him and straight towards the Titans.


	2. Chapter 2

If it was up to Eren he'd have bitten off his right arm to turn into a Titan and stop Mikasa from being so stupid right then and there.

But before he could Levi had already sprung into action kicking Eren's horse to move so faster so that Eren had no choice but to hold on to the reins as tightly as he could so that he didn't fall off.

"You have to think sensibly Eren." Levi's voice was loud despite the wind,"You know well enough that Ackerman can hold her ground long enough."

Yes, Mikasa could take care of herself.

After all she'd never needed Eren to defend her, it had always been the opposite with the two of them.

And yet at a time like this all Eren could think about was the time Mikasa had come and sat next to him when he was recovering from his fight with Annie. He'd not been eating and after a while of pointless nagging she'd just sat next to him quietly.

"Eren." She'd said,"I want you to be honest with me."

"I've never been anything but, with you or Armin." He'd replied staring at the birds that sailed over Wall Sina with ease.

"W-When you became a Titan." She started,"I never asked you this because...because I was too afraid of the answer. When you realised you had the power of a Titan shifter what was going on in your head."

"Why was it me?" Eren replied softly,"I despise titans and yet by some cruel joke I was the one who got the power."

"I'm a monster just like them." He continued,"That time when we were surrounded by the soldiers, the fear and hate in their eyes... I felt the same about myself but mostly it was because I was the monster and you both were going to go down with me. It didn't matter at the end though, I managed to save Armin and you and recover Trost. I became a Titan but I became one to fight."

"What are you fighting for Eren?"

Eren paused,"Humanities right to be free."

Mikasa remained quiet staring at his plate of untouched food.

The silence wasn't uncomfortable...

It was familiar.

She sat next to him fiddling with her red scarf.

For a second he was reminded of the way things used to be at home, his mother cooking, his father reading and Mikasa always next to him either seeing or playing with her scarf.

"Armin told me that when you'd transformed in Trost-" She paused long enough to hide the scar on her cheek with her hair. It came almost instinctively to her Eren noticed as if she could feel Eren's guilt filled gaze on the thing that constantly tormented him and reminded him that when he'd lost control he'd hurt her.

"-he brought you back by telling you about the ocean. Salt water that stretched on for miles and miles." She continued,"He brought you back by telling you all the things you'd see beyond the walls."

"He did." Eren said,"To see what's outside these walls... There is nothing I want more."

"You'll have to be alive for that." Mikasa said softly,"In order to see the river of fire, the vast never ending salt water ocean and fields of snow, you have to be alive at the end of this."

Eren looked at her stunned.

"Throwing away your life. Giving up and saying that it feels good to be torn apart and... and die... If you keep doing this Eren, if you keep trying to sacrifice yourself just to stop yourself from feeling guilty, how are you going to get to see any of that? Remember Eren, you may have the power to be a Titan but you're still a person. A person who is capable of doing great things even if he's not a Titan, someone who doesn't need to die just to prove their worth."

"I-I-" Eren's voice faltered.

Mikasa leaned forward and encased his hand in hers. They were thin and delicate, smaller than his, yet sturdy.

"Everyone has a reason to fight the Titans Eren." She said,"So please never lose sight of the fact that you're not fighting the Titans just to kill them but to get your freedom, to see the beauty of this cruel world outside these walls. Something you'll only get to do if you're alive."

Eren looked at her, really looked at her, her grey eyes, her black hair that she'd cut after he'd suggested, the red scarf around her neck that used to be his... In every little thing of Mikasa he saw himself, his childhood, his growth into a soldier and his step forward as a Titan shifter.

And in her eyes he saw what he wanted, what he really truly wanted beyond his façade of killing Titans to get vengeance for his mother.

He wanted Armin and Mikasa by his side as they gazed at the never ending ocean in front of them. He wanted Armin to sit on the sand and read just like he always did as Eren stood right at the edge of the ocean, his toes touching the salt filled water.

And Mikasa….

Mikasa would be right beside him looking wearily at the water before he pulled her in with him.

She'd laugh, laugh like she'd done back in Shinganshina when he'd taken her hand and run through the streets aimlessly, laugh like she used to after his father had finished telling a long story and Eren had made a particularly vulgar comment only to be scolded by his mother and met with Mikasa's bright clear laugh.

And when she'd shiver because she was cold, Eren would wrap his scarf around her and tug her by her sleeve and lead her home.

Their home.

That was what he was fighting for.

And without Mikasa there beside him all of it would be pointless.

Utterly pointless.

"Levi!" Eren yelled,"You'd once told me that you never knew what was the right choice to trust yourself or your comrades. Well, now I'm asking you to trust me."

"Armin is the smart one but I've been his friend long enough to understand how he thinks." Eren continued,"I've been with Mikasa long enough to know how utterly fearless she is when it comes to protecting the things she holds dear. And if I do this, follow you blindly leaving Mikasa on her own I won't be able to live with myself."

"I need you to put your hood up." Eren said,"The abnormal will assume it's me and follow you till the trap. I'm sure the abnormal has sent the pack of Titans to distract the two of you and get me alone. They won't be expecting me to go after the pack of titans and will naturally follow you thinking it's me."

"It's a compromise and a risk." Eren said,"I won't shift so there is no way the abnormal will know where I am. I will help Mikasa take down the pack of titans and keep out of sight till the abnormal is secured."

"This a bold move." Levi said,"If things go wrong you will be held accountable."

"I know. I'm ready for the consequences."

Levi let a small curved smile,"You've grown up Jaeger. If I knew all it would take was you to realize something that's been staring you in the face for so long, I'd have smashed your head into it before."

"I will not let Mikasa die. Maybe she's compotent enough to handle the Titans, maybe she doesn't need me but I can't take this risk not when it involves her life and not when I can do something to save her."

"Then go." Levi said pulling his hood up,"Do your friends proud. Save her."

Eren pulled his hood up and immediately turned his horse to the right.

He rode like the wind forcing his horse to go faster and faster.

 _I was wrong Mikasa, I'd always thought that killing Titans was my singular purpose, to avenge my mother but you… you showed me differently. You made me realize that I fight and fight not only for revenge or even for my thirst for freedom but I fight to protect whatever little I have left._

 _I always thought that this world, our world within the walls was a cruel place and when I found out what lay beyond I thought that's where the true beauty lay._

 _But I was wrong._

 _The beauty of this world lies in the way you tuck your nose beneath your scarf, the way you laugh, the way you roll your eyes, the way you fight._

 _The beauty of my world lies with you._

 _And I will do anything to protect that._


End file.
